It's coming. My second school year here at Grand Valley is quickly approaching its last days. The best part about it? There's no snow.
I have greatly enjoyed my year here. I almost don't want to go home or leave for Italy, because I'll miss so many of my awesome friends. I'll miss Jessie LOTS, because I've lived with her these past few years and I at least had the opportunity to see her last summer quite a few times. And of course the future roommates, Jen and Jenny will be missed lots, and all of my His House friends and quite possibly some of the Honors Council members...and everyone from Chelsea! I am not going to be able to play FRISBEE this summer! How TRAGIC!
I think lately, even though I'm going to miss all of these people, I've really just felt like having some alone time. Last night, for instance, Alia IMs me at about 8:30 or so and asks me if I want to play volleyball at 10:30. Now for those of you who know me, I despise volleyball. It frightens me and I'm very poor at it. Although, I think I'm mostly frightened when I play in big groups. That's when people actually try to play and plow each other over and...ah! I'm shuddering just thinking about it. But anyway, I wasn't too keen on going and I sort of wanted to just stay here in my room. I just wanted to click away on my computer screen all night, trying to format a webpage I'm making for my senior project. Even though I knew it would be fun to play volleyball and I'd enjoy myself, I didn't especially care. I just wanted to stay home. Even when Libby and Alia showed up, I was defenitely not my normal bubbly and excited self. This isn't to say I wasn't glad I went. After I got out and we played volleyball (at 11:30 instead of 10:30) it ended up being an awesome time. I met some new people and got to know some other ones a bit better. It was great! It's just before I went, I didn't want to go.
I think that's the way I've felt lately. I obviously haven't felt it so much that I've stopped going out or doing stuff. Today I'm going on a tour of Camp Manitou-Lin (for the Honors College retreat. Hey! If you're in the Honors College or know someone who is, reccomend that they go on the retreat this Labor Day! It's going to be AWESOME!). When we get back, Jessie, Tod, Keith and I are going to go out and record a second installment of "Keith's Outdoor Adventures." Then, it's off to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind with Jessie, Jenny, Brian, and anyone else who happens along. Sunday, church, bible study, and the gathering. Monday, lunch with Rich. Tuesday, His House. Wednesday, Drama. Thursday, Honors Council. Friday, vintage shopping with a caravan of friends. I am excited about all of these things, especially my Sunday, Tuesday, and Friday. But still, I just feel like I haven't been alone in forever. I guess I can never be alone anyway cause I'd just end up talking to God, but hey, that would be super awesome for me anyway. hmmm...I dunno. It's just a lonely day.
[Listening to: Lonely Day - Phantom Planet - The Guest (03:15)]
Thursday, March 25, 2004 Only one man can reign supreme in Niemeyer...
11:12 PM
...and tonight, we know who that man is. So, four of us girls (Jenny, Jessie, Jen, and I), amongst many others, decided to attend the "Mr. Niemeyer" beauty pageant tonight. It was highly entertaining with a message about our society that tugs at the heartstrings. As women are usually the objects of ogling, this competition was used to turn the tables on the goofiness that is our society, by having some of the men of Niemeyer compete for this prestigious title. There were evening wear, swimsuit, talent, and question and answer rounds to determine the winner, demonstrative of the typical female pageants. I have a new found appreciation (and yet at the same time a new found confusion) about the Honors College. I know what you're all dying to find out...who won?! Well, visit my photos to discover the answer!
Okay. So for those of you who have seen this first installment of "Keith's Outdoor Adventures" there's more to come. I added a title card to this file and a brief intro so the file has been changed. It is also now in Windows Media format. If any of you think there's a better format out there, let me know and i will convert it over to said format. Otherwise, enjoy! (Oh, by the way, the file is under "stuff")
I always like getting ready, preparing. Preparing for what? Anything. For going to class, for delivering the Honors Council minutes to Janaan, for calling Craig, for going to church, for writing a journal entry. There is something that's always so magically exciting about getting ready. There is anticipation. There is expectation. There is the hope that something truly exciting and altogether fascinating will happen. For me, that usually happens. My preparation and anticipation is always rewarded with some small blessing that increases my happiness. But then again, I've found this apple to be the most fascinating thing everytime I walk by it.
It just sits there, pinned to the wall by nature and the person who decided to plant it between the vine and the building. I'm waiting for it to decay. To melt away into nothing. I walk by it every day on the way to class.
I enjoy anticipation, because it's always rewarding for me. Or at least it has seemed so the past few months. Is it because I have lower expectations of the world? Or am I simply beginning to enjoy the things I've overlooked all this time; the things I passed by without a second thought because I didn't have God as the center of my life? Am I simply returning to a more innocent time in my life? A time when I could focus on the world around me, the earth, the trees, and the people in it without worrying about what I'm doing or how I look. A time when I was able to laugh gleefully about something that was genuinely silly and cringe when something was genuinely meanspirited. Can the Lord really change a heart so much?
I've often wondered at those who spend most of their week or at least their weekends drinking the night away in drunken chaos. I've always thought to myself, "Why is that necessary?" Why do people need such substances in their lives as a source of entertainment? More importantly, why when these people "enjoy" this night of craziness, do they blame the events on the substance itself, and choose not to take responsibility for their own actions? For some reason, I've always thought it had much to do with innocence. It seems like these people have lost so much of their innocence, that they can't act like the crazy two-year-old that said and did just about anything he wanted without justification. When you're two, you have no inhibitions. No worries or thoughts of anything else in the world. You are completely innocent. Adults are not. They can't strip off their clothes and run out in the front yard naked, giggling all the way without alcohol. They can't throw a temper tantrum without the excuse of this substance. They can't laugh for hours about kicking a balloon around the living room without getting a significant fill of beer. Now, of course, I'm not quite THAT innocent. I'm not about to strip naked and run screaming and giggling through Kleiner. And I certainly won't be throwing a temper tantrum anytime soon. I doubt I could ever return to that kind of innocence. Those who do are considered crazy or delinquent, and neither of those categories appeal to my interests. Plus whining and complaining about my life would most likely hurt my faith considerably. But I'm also not about to turn to the bottle for a source of innocence. For a source of freedom from this world. I see no benefit in it besides a momentary glimpse of innocence. In God, I see an eternal life of innocence and joy. In God I see freedom from the confines of this world; forever. Even the most corrupted people can return to innocence through the Lord.
[Listening to: In Your Presence - Jeremy Camp - Stay (04:15)]