What if everyone in the world lived in cars instead of houses? Would we still drive everywhere? Would we drive to work only to come back exactly where our car was parked before? Would the parking spot in itself become home rather than the car?
Would research show that keeping children in a stable, consant environment is best for them? Could we just park anywhere in the world and consider that "home?" Would everyone in the family have his or her own car, parking them in a fleet? There would be a "master car," a "bath car," a "living car," a "bed car," and a "kitchen car." Would we walk everywhere instead to keep people in the stable environments of their car homes? How would car design change? Would it eventually take on the design of a home anyway? "Have a truly stationary car fleet with our brand new no wheels design!"
I don't know what this means or why I thought of it. Just one of those shower conversations you have with yourself.
I love you. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." I love you. Not because you love me. You do, but that's just an added bonus. I love you. You're so far away now. You're so removed from me. I love you. I took a survey on romantic relationships today. It was part of research for a psychological or sociological study. I found out why I love you. I love you. Because you're honest. Because you tell me everything I need to hear. Because you sacrifice. I love you. You love me too. I love you. What do I do to show it? What do I do to tell you? What do I do to make you understand how much you mean to me? I love you. "Have I told you lately that I love you?" I love you. You follow God so faithfully. You listen to His call. You forsake everything to follow Him. You put me second in your life, and Him first. Maybe you put me third, because you love your family so much. I love you. I noticed your picture today. On my door. Your smile is beautiful. Your eyes are filled with joy. I love you. I noticed our picture today. A friend reminded me of it. I look at it every day, yet I rarely see it anymore. Your arms fit around me perfectly. I love you. "All you need is love." I love you. We sang "O Praise Him" last night. It reminded me of you. I love you. I'm shaking. I love you. I miss you. I love you. Kiss me when I see you. I love you, Craig.
Last night Jessie and I had this amazingly elaborate plan to prank some people. Actually, it wasn't very elaborate at all. Just a simple prank. We decided, however, that we would sleep for a couple of hours and wake up at 2:00AM to perform this April Fool's gag. The alarm went off at 2:00, and we checked Jessie's buddy list to make sure these people were in bed. We unfortunately discovered that someone did not have her away message up, and she was not idle! We just went back to bed. When I woke up at 7:30 she was still not away and she was still not idle. Crazy lady.
I went to work at Creston today. Bruce ended up buying his entire class pizza as a Spring Break celebration. They don't have school on Friday so I don't have to go. The pizza was Papa John's, and it was pepperoni. I picked my pepperoni off and gave it to Bruce. He'll be retiring after next year. I hope he doesn't have any more heart attacks before then. He's got a pretty high stress job there at Creston. He plans on suggesting some cool places for me to go in England when I see Craig in about a month and a half. He's a really cool guy.
I got back in time to meet Zac and Libby for lunch. Here's where my day got extremely fascinating. We sat down, prayed, and began eating. We saw all sorts of interesting people walk through. A large group of students wearing high school varsity jackets. They weren't on a tour, and they were all from the same school. They were just eating there. Maybe there was some sort of competition going on at the GiVSU. Who knows? Then there was a large group of people all wearing red shirts. I don't know where they were going or who they were. They had red shirts though. My Calc 2 professor from a year ago recognized me. That was nice. Then the penguin arrived. He was wearing a red hat, a striped scarf, and a yellow t-shirt. He attempted arm-wrestling a pretty beefed up girl but she refused. Then he sat across from me, prepared to go to war with me using our arms. He had a soft, fuzzy hand and his arm wiggled with excitement for the upcoming battle. I said, "go," which of course is not proper arm-wrestling etiquete, but he didn't even try! I did! My arm was flexed if you can imagine! I don't even remember the last time a muscle appeared when I flexed my arm. He wasn't pushing back, but he didn't even have to. It was sad. Then he used his other arm and pulled mine down. Although, I really just stopped pushing on his. Either way, my arm-wrestle with a penguin was in no ways encouraging. If only I could be like Stallone in Over the Top. I could be proud of my arm-wrestling accomplishments.
I made two dogs out of the flyers the Penguin gave me. One had a yellow face and the other had a white one. We named them "white face" and "yellow face." I also sang a song about "una bigota."
When I got back from my junior seminar, Rich IMed me and came over. He rollerbladed right on into my room. :o) Oh Rich...you and your slightly illegal moves. He made my day today. He brought the new Hope College Chapel CD "Surrounded." I am SO sure that I can here a few "BROWOWOWOWOW's" on there when the crowd is encouraged to cheer about the Lord. I ripped a copy of it but I'll end up buying it anyway. My conscience no longer allows me the luxury of free music, unless it's samples put out by artists themselves.
The General Assmebly meeting went well today. Few people showed up, but I had a lot of fun. I made a dog for the military. He was "red face." He says "woof woof (thank you) from GVSU Honors College."
I like the word "breath." I like to breathe it out. "breath."
So I was sitting in my Junior Seminar today and I was barely paying attention. I suddenly heard my teacher say, however, "someone give me a word. Just make one up."
"Asslamaputical" I shouted out. It's a word that Bethany Billman and I made up in 8th grade. I've forgotten it's definition, but it was my favorite. That and quarshmamerry.
"what?" she said and everyone was laughing.
"Asslamaputical."
"That's pretty long. Let's take it one syllable at a time. Is it a real word?"
"No I made it up."
"Okay. How do you spell it? First syllable?"
"A-S-S."
She wrote it on the board. That's about as far as we got in examining asslamputical. But "ass" stayed written up there for quite a while. I felt sort of bad about that one. I wasn't TRYING to get her to write "ass." oh well.
She asked for another word and looked at me. I said "Phrasnol" She spelled it "Froznull." It was an interesting day in junior seminar.
I absolutely do not want to be in my room today. I left around 9:47 to go for a walk and write. I ended up on the third floor of the library, staring out into the pond with the fountain. I looked out there for about 8 minutes before I did anything. Just stared out there. Thinking. I thought up a good idea for my book though. One that I like anyway. I still haven't written it down. I probably should. I think I'll go to the language lab after my 1:00 today, just so I don't have to come back here. I think I'll go to the language lab after my 4:00, just so I don't have to come back here. Then I'll go to dinner and His House. Then maybe I'll go to Applebee's, so I don't have to come back here. Or maybe I'll find someone to walk with. I feel like walking somewhere. Anywhere. Or getting in my car and driving to the beach. Maybe I'd sleep out there. I should do that this weekend. I'm smiling. A lot. Because it's a gorgeous day outside.
[Listening to: I Sit Away - Boyz II Men - II (04:35)]
For anyone who has yet to be invited and would like to go, this Friday a rather large group of people are going vintage shopping in the GR at 3:00. Right now it's Jessie, Jenny, Jen, Eric, Libby, Alia, Rich, Eric, and me. So we can feasibly all fit in two cars at this point, but Eric has to work so we'll probably end up taking three so he can leave if he needs to. Either way, the more people the better so please feel free to join! THX!
Monday, March 29, 2004 Why does forgetting make you angry?
9:09 PM
I arrived at my Econ class today only to discover that to my amazement, Aaron, my professor, was wearing the same outfit as he did in my dream last night. I sat in the same seat as always, front and center, and when he walked in there it was, the outfit. I looked anxiously for a guitar but all he carried with him was his cardboard box briefcase. It's not really a briefcase; just a cardboard box. He's got all of our graded papers in there though. I still can't help but wonder if he's going to sing that song. I smile and look around the room, in hopes of finding the guitar stowed away somewhere. He never got it out.
I was sitting there in class, though, and I couldn't help but think about other things. I remember that my mind drifted to something. Something entertaining and worth writing about. But now, I can't remember what it is. I know I smiled when I thought about it. I remember thinking, "I like this idea." Now that I've forgotten it, I'm slightly angry. Angry that my brain has let me down. That I can't hold some simple idea in my head for a longer period of time. I've reminded myself to e-mail Paul, my boss, at least three times today. I still haven't remembered to do it. Maybe I'll remember now.
We watched two movies today in class. I haven't seen either one in it's entirety. Marry Poppins and It's a Wonderful Life. The little boy in Marry Poppins seems like a brat. He refused to give his money to the bank and ended up causing a bank run. I guess because he gave it to the poor bird lady in the park it makes it okay. But at what cost was his kindness recieved? Does the bank close? Do others lose their jobs and source of monetary income? I don't know. I haven't seen the movie all the way through. Maybe he isn't a brat at all.
I thought of something else to write after this, but I forgot again. My head hurts.
I had lunch with Rich today. We talked about future plans and got to know each other better. He furthered my ability to keep in touch with Craig by giving me a phone card he never uses. It had 273 minutes on it when I checked the balance. When I call Craig's cell phone in London, I spend 9 cents a minute. That means this phone card gives me a 28 minute call. Rich has made my day.
So has Eric. I came across him near the library and the arboretum. We had a dance party right there on the sidewalk. It was perfect.
"I'm finding myself, at a loss for words, and the funny thing is, it's okay."
[Listening to: Word of God Speak - MercyMe - Spoken For (03:10)]
I woke up this morning to the sound of the telephone and the forgetfulness of a dream. I lay there, eyes barely open, mind spinning, waiting for the ringing to stop, knowing who it is but not being ready to spring out of bed and jump across the room to reach the phone.
"Hey honey. It's me. I'm gonna be a little earlier than I thought, I'll probably be there in about 15 or 20 minutes. I'm gonna try calling your cell phone to see where you are. Talk to you soon."
The phone clicks and I begin to climb out of bed. The ladder shakes and I rub my eyes when I reach the floor. The cell phone rings.
"Hey mom...yeah I was in bed...15 minutes?...Okay....see you then."
I throw the cell phone onto the futon and begin searching my room for clean clothes. "This'll work" I say to the faded blue jeans and lavender and blue polo. I get into the shower.
I remembered my dream. I was sitting in my Econ class, except it wasn't my Econ class. My professor was in front of the room, wearing his typical khaki pants and dress shirt. He's young. He's strumming a guitar, and singing Phantom Planet's Lonely Day. I'm confused because I didn't think my Econ professor was in Phantom Planet, but apparently he is. I sing along to the song, and he's amazed that I know it. I'm the only one in the class who knows it. I'm the only one in the class who loves that song.
I realize I've been standing in the shower for 5 minutes, smiling and thinking about this dream, and I still haven't done anything to further my hygiene. I wake up to reality and begin to wash. I wish it was 10:00. Quiet hours are over at 10:00. I could be listening to music right now. I could be playing a CD, right here in the shower. I look at the clock again. It's 9:00. I should get out.
I dry off and get dressed. I stand in front of the window, waiting. Waiting for her to get here. Craig gets on-line.
We talk about The Passion of the Christ. He tells me that he walked home alone that night. He couldn't talk to anyone afterwards. I couldn't either. We make a phone date for 3:00. I prayed about him in church last night. Before he goes I ask him to pray for a girl who thinks about getting an abortion this weekend. I hope she doesn't.
Craig gets off and I stand in front of the window again, picturing my Econ professor singing those words:
"I could tell, from the minute I woke up, it's gonna be a lonely lonely lonely lonely day. Rise and shine, rub the sleep out of my eyes, and try to tell myself I can't go back to bed."
I really liked his version of it. I secretly hope he breaks out in song tonight when I go to class.
There she is. She parks out front and stares into the building. I'm staring right at her but she looks confused. It's as if she isn't sure which window is mine. I smile. My mom looks so silly when she's confused. She appears silly to me a lot.
We embrace when she comes in and walk out to her car. We go to Big Boy. We both get the eggs benedict and we talk about life and Jesus. She tells me a good story about a 76 year-old priest who's still living an exciting and adventuresome life. He rides the snowmobile the church gave him for retirement. He rode it into a creek a couple of weeks ago and was soaked to the bone. He wasn't hurt, just soaked. The women who were with him told him he had to get out of his wet clothes and into something dry. They asked if he minded getting naked. He would need their help. "I'm 76 years old. I don't care."
We paid and drove back. A new song runs through my mind as we drive down Lake Michigan Drive. I hum it quietly, awaiting the moment I can come back to my room and listen to it.
"Summer time and the wind is blowing, outside in lower chelsea. And I don’t know what I’m doing in this city, The sun is always in my eyes, It crashes through the windows, and I’m sleeping on the couch, When I came to visit you, That’s when I knew that I could never have you, I knew that before you did, Still I’m the one who’s stupid And there’s this burning, like there’s always been, I’ve never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive.
Visions of you on a motorcycle drive by, The cigarette ash flies in your eyes, and you don’t mind, you smile, And say the world doesn’t fit with you. I don’t believe you, you’re so serene. Careening through the universe, your axis on a tilt, you’re guiltless and free, I hope you take a piece of me with you, And there’s things I’d like to do that you don’t believe in, I would like to build something, but you’d never see it happen And there’s this burning, like there’s always been, I’ve never been so alone, and i’ve, I’ve never been so alive,
And there’s this burning, ah ha, there was this burning. aye yie yie
Where’s the soul. I want to know, new york city’s evil. The surface is everything, but I could never do that, Someone would see through that. And this is the last time, we’ll be friends again. And I’ll get over you ,you’ll wonder, who I am. And there’s this burning, just like there’s always been, I’ve never been so alone, alone, and i’ve, and i’ve, I’ve never been so alive, so alive
I go home to the coast. it starts to rain, I paddle out on the water alone, Taste the salt and taste the pain. I’m not thinking of you again, Summer dies and swells rise, the sun goes down in my eyes, see this rolling wave, darkly coming to take me, home, And I never been so alone, and I’ve never been so alive."
The words don't make sense to me. I don't know why I thought of this song. But I did. Maybe it's the "I've never felt so alone but I've never felt so alive" part.
So for the past week I have continually told myself to look up surfing in Michigan. Not because I want to do it, but because this guy named Brandon told me that he surfs in Michigan...and well...I didn't believe him. He tried to show me some article in Surfer magazine but it was too dark in the car for me to see so I just had to continue wondering if this incredible story was true. I FINALLY remembered to look it up online and well...here's the truth.
[Listening to: rain down - Delirious? - World Service (04:57)]