So I think I've decided that my favorite weather is when it gets so warm outside that the snow goes almost directly to gas form. I've actually only seen this happen once in my life, and that was this winter. It's so beautiful, the way the fog just blankets everything, hiding buildings, cars, houses, people. And yet, the trees still rise up over the top, seeming to work together with the fog, like a cooperative teammate of sorts.

I remember that day earlier this year when it was nothing but fog all day. It was beautiful. So calm and serene. The fog just covers everything up, helping you to forget what the terrain really looks like in the lights of the sun.

It sort of gives you this security. And yet, it's a false security. Because once the fog is gone, everything is just as it was before. Houses everywhere, roads, cars, buildings. It's all back. Nothing is clean. Nothing is removed by the fog. And yet the goodness still remains. Those trees are still there. The grass. That puddle in the middle of the sidewalk. The fog doesn't take away anything. Good or bad. It just blankets it temporarily, hiding what you want to forget but also hiding what you should remember.

I should focus on nature more. It's beautiful.

...I throw myself at Your feet. I throw my filth on the grace of One who's beauty is beyond me.

Sometimes I think I just let my life seem easy. I just let everyone think that getting through each day is a piece of cake and that no thoughts of anger, sadness, or disappointment ever reach my head...or my heart. Sometimes I'm not sure if it's just a facade or if it's actually true that my life is easy. Maybe it's a facade that works so incredibly well that I start to believe it myself.

I think I've finally realized what hurts me the most in life. It's the suffering of others, not so much my own suffering. It's the fact that everyone else goes through life with such anger, pain, and suffering and they never rise above it. They never get over it easily enough; like I do. Some people just seem to relish in it, sink into it, and just give in. They just let it happen to them, like it's out of their control.

I know I've been a victim to this at times, no doubt. Even in the past year. When I was in Italy, I had my 2nd surgery in a year and it was just so easy to sink into that. To sink in to the pain, let it control me. It just seemed EASIER to give in. It seemed easier to be angry, scared, confused, and upset. It seemed easier to say, "No," to Keith when he asked me to pray with him. It seemed easier to say, "no," to God. What a load of garbage.

I am just so tired in so many ways of seeing so many people give in to this LIE! When has your life ever been easy by being depressed? When has your life ever been good by letting pain and resentment take over your life? I've been there. I've been through more than any of you can imagine. I've been through some of the same things you've been through, and by most people's definitions I've been through worse. Each time I hear kids at Home Acres tell me about their lives, I'm reminded of myself. Each time one of my roommates is in distress, I'm reminded of myself. Each time my parents struggle with something, I'm reminded of myself. There are many things I haven't experienced too, so I don't presume to understand everyone else on those levels. My parents are still married. We have never struggled for money. I've never been overweight. I've never had to move around a lot.

And yet, I'm still just another statistic. I'm just like everyone else. I may think at times my life has been so much worse than others. That no one else can understand the rejection I've been through, the resentment I've felt against myself, the anger I've felt towards others, towards God. Yet everyone who READS this will understand this, and yet most of them will insist that their life was more difficult, crazier, and that the "happy-go-lucky, always blessed, always super when you ask her" Liz McKee couldn't possibly have had a difficult life. Face it people. You aren't going through anything special. You're not being tempted or tested any differently than anyone else. The American dispostion that everyone is an individual isn't true. You screw up and you fall down just like everyone else in this world. And every time that happens you have an opportunity to stay that way, or rise above it. Get over it already.