I know it's not fashionable
to be this hopeful.
Laugh away.

Didn't think it was possible
to be this grateful,
anyway.

And I know it's not sensible
to be this passionate
everyday.

I don't know what it is about that song lately, but it has just been making my heart sing. (that's "Days Go By," Duncan Sheik by the way. Phenominal cello and violin goodness in that song) Absolutely amazing and beautiful. Speaking of amazing and beautiful, yesterday was absofrogginlutely fantastic. I got out of my first class early because we had a test and I am a 30 minute or less test taker by nature. So I was in, I was done, and I was out...first as usual.

My internship was pretty mellow yesterday. Aaron and I drafted out some ideas for social events and what not all the way until September...which will be good to have those things well-defined and figured out before they come around. Then I went out to lunch with Tom, Aaron, and Mike and it was pretty delish. We went to a bar downtown called Delano's(??) and I had a chicked parmesan sandwich. Nummers.

My other class was pretty lame...per usual...but I was able to get the professor to waste 20 minutes preparing a schedule of which groups would present on which day when we returned from spring break. And of course, because I was in such a super happy mood, I totally laughed at all of the silly things he does without even thinking about how loud I was. Seriously, I was the only one laughing most of the time. But I was just having such a great time!

Fusion was phenominal. Crazy...but phenominal. Wow. I actually sang...on a microphone...for worship. It was bizarre. Never expected that one to happen. But they had no female vocalists and they had heard me sing before and I guess thought I was decent, so they threw me on up there. It was surreal to say the least. But I wasn't even really focused on how I sounded (couldn't really hear myself on the monitors most of the time anyway). I was really just focused on praising God, and I just gotta say I don't think I've ever felt the presence of the Lord more powerful in that room than I did during worship that night. Still, I want voice and piano lessons this summer.

After the service, my original plans of coloring sort of took a backburner to some great conversation. Ben colored and now there is a wonderful depiction of a rather femmie, Elton Johnish depiction of Dr. Octopus on our fridge. But despite those plans falling through, I had an awesome time. Dan and I talked quite a while by ourselves and it was cool getting to know him more. He had some amazing green shoes on last night. I think it subconsciously inspired me to wear green this morning. Too bad I couldn't borrow his shoes! :o)

After a while, we decided that a trip to Yesterdog was in order. So, after peer pressuring Ben into going and convincing Pat that we were, in fact, driving out there, we headed out to end the evening with delectible Ultradog goodness!

I think the coolest part about my day was just hanging out with those guys. We just talked about so many cool things...random...but cool. And a lot of the conversation revolved around God and faith. Something about talking about the Lord just gets me so excited and passionate.

In the volumes of history,
have you ever seen anything
so pure?

I think I've realized this year that I'm an extrovert. I seriously crave talking to people when they're not around. I think that's why I even do this whole blogging stuff anyway. It's like I'm making contact with people even though I'm really not. Like I'm talking to someone about what's going on in my mind without having to call them at 7:00 in the morning. At some point though, I definitely take that necessary alone time just so I can reconnect with myself and the Lord. Get that fresh pump of rejuvinating self-awareness from the God that knows me better than I know myself. After all, if I don't know who I am in Christ, how can I know who I am at all?

Days go by.
I catch myself smile
More than you'd ever expect.
It's been a long while
Since it's been okay
To feel this way.

These are the most precious
of all my days.

I don't have to go in to my internship tomorrow! YAY! Not that I'm going to be doing much of anything else, but that means that Jessie and I can have fun together and be silly and it'll be great! Plus, it means I don't have to do anything until like 4:30. Sweetness in a can. Ah...sweet, sweet relaxation. How I love thee.

Mute Math...you see into my soul!

I was in class today and I was sitting next to this girl that happens to be in another one of my classes as well. She's a nice girl, confident, pretty, seems to have a lot of fun and satisfaction in life. A lot like me really! During class, I caught myself peering over into her notebook as she feverishly drew out some script that was clearly not notes. She wrote out her full name in fanciful font, then proceeded to draw an equally fancy plus sign. Underneath that, she added the full name of a certain boy and then drew an equals sign, ending the completely expected and predictable equation with the obvious solution, "love."

My initial reaction was one of complete annoyance. Seriously, we're in college now, are we really doodling on our papers about how in love we are with some guy? Although, I guess that's been my perspective since like...always. So making the arguement that we're in college now tends to be a mute point with me anyway. But I think the main reason why I was so annoyed is because I am currently lacking the possibility of quietly daydreaming in class over a boy and making it clear to everyone else around me that I am doing just that with perfectly girly doodlings all over my non-existent class notes. There was jealousy in my heart. Jealousy over the fact that I could potentially be doing something that I wouldn't really do anyway. It's sort of silly how badly I wanted a boyfriend right then, just for that reason really! Not because having one would suddenly solve a bunch of problems in my life. Not because there's someone I secretly have my eye on (well, I'm actually currently debating that) that I'm hoping to at least get a date with someday. Not even because I feel like I'm ready to experience another great love in my life (I am so incredibly scared and nervous of giving my heart away to someone else that sometimes I wonder if I will ever get out there and into a relationship ever again, let alone a first date). But mostly because I wanted to be able to doodle stupidly on my piece of paper. How incredibly, 100% silly of me!

Pastor Ken has been doing a series on dating at Fusion the past month and I gotta say it's been pretty awesome and eye-opening to me a lot. As a Christian and a woman, I frequently have made the mistake of constantly questioning whether or not the guy I'm going out on a date with or even considering going out on a date with is "the one." Like I'm gonna know after one date! Seriously! Or that I would spend all of this time praying to receive revelation from God about where the relationship was going before it was even really a relationship. Kind of psychotic really! Pastor Ken brought up the excellent point that a date should really just be about gettint to know the other person's life story. Where that person's been, where they are now, and where they plan on being in the future. It's not about finding "the one," it's about becoming "the one." And your life story should always trump your love story. If your life stories don't match up, especially in the arena of having a devoted life to Christ, then it's probably not something that's going to work out. Basically, a first date especially should be approached 100% from a friendship angle and not from a "oh my gosh this person could be the one I'm going to spend the rest of my life with." That's just way too much pressure for anyone to live up to.

In other news, I bought coloring books and crayons today to spend some relaxing times after Fusion on Thursday. It's going to be GREAT!

Sometimes music just makes me so happy. It doesn't even have to be about anything. It doesn't even have to always say anything, like the "Cheesecake Truck" song by King Missile. I mean, I'm sitting here, getting kind of bummed out cause the weekend's over, and while I've kept my room clean all week and stayed on top of the dishes, I still feel like I haven't done a single thing. I know I have some homework to do still, but none of it is due tomorrow and I have a good three hour break now between work and class so I can work on it then. I think I just feel like there's more I should be doing. Yet the moment I start feeling like I've done nothing, like I've just been stalling and putting things off and that I'll never get anything done, I just put on some music and almost become hypnotized. Like any plans of doing anything that seemed worthwhile really don't amount to much of anything. :o) Just smiling and listening to silly, happy music like "Mardy Bum" by Arctic Monkeys is what really matters! :o) I can't stop smiling. And this song is really kind of all about the angst of relationships but it just sounds so happy!

I spent the majority of the weekend with Tod and Kevin. We ate Chinese, laughed a lot, and played TMNT Battle Nexus for 6 hours. We also watched "the Hobbit" and enjoyed IHOP and "Masters of the Universe" today. Another successful weekend for the happy trio.

I've pretty much completed the Fusion website for my internship. So, now I get to complete another website for the missions ministry at church. Pastor Ken and Sue are in charge of both Missions and Fusion so I get to experience all sorts of crazy website creating stuff. In fact, I'm just gonna go work on it now. And some homework that I just remembered is due tomorrow. haha! whoops.